weeding “it”

the alarm reaches across my pillow, tickling my ears.

i stumble out of bed. 6:30 am. time to feed the cat.

trip upstairs, still shocked to be on canada time. canada land. in canadian culture, whatever that may be.

find the cat, feed it, find myself in the kitchen, feed me, find my bible, read it, go on a run.

large square fields of whatever farmers grow. wind whispering lonely tunes through green leaves. wide open canadian space.

back home, mom is counting out her pills at the kitchen table. by noon she’ll have finished taking them, only to start counting her lunchtime ones. she looks up at me, big blue eyes like a china doll’s… smiles and opens up her arms. we hug.

i make my way around the house cleaning, doing dishes, folding laundry, then go outside into warm sunlight to dig in dirt and find weeds, throw them disheveled on the dandelion infested lawn… my favorite time of day. gardening. it used to be my mother’s. now she can’t handle the sunlight.

i keep a vision of my mother in my mind as i make her flowers pretty. her with her big straw hat, shovel in hand, wandering from garden to garden all day long, reveling in her work. that was long ago. before “it” arrived on the scene of her frontal lobe.

i hear her soft feet pitter pattering towards me. “it’s so hot outside, emily. you really should come in.” she shades her eyes, squints at me. shudders at the sun. “mom, u should really go have your nap. i’ll be in soon ok?”

she smiles, nods… “that’s a good idea.” she softly pads back into the house, back into bed.

i hate “it.” i wish “it” had never come to town. i wish i could dig “it” out like these weeds, and throw it disheveled by the wayside, letting my beautiful mother grow and blossom again.

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6 Comments

  1. Meredith said,

    May 30, 2007 at 11:42 am

    Amen. Let’s pray for God’s weeding in that regard. This brought tears to my eyes, Em. I am so thankful to be coming home, if even for a short time, next week.

  2. quone said,

    May 30, 2007 at 12:03 pm

    Oh Emily! You write so beautifully.

  3. Trenton said,

    May 31, 2007 at 5:14 am

    Hey Babe. I love you and what you are doing. Keep strong bumber.

  4. allie said,

    June 1, 2007 at 6:14 am

    sometimes his gardening happens under the earth in the depths of our hearts, digging deep & loving tenderly as he cuts sickness at its roots and brings miracles out of a season’s gloomy rain. keep praying, keep loving, keep speaking words of life into the seemingly despairing situation, knowing that it may take time for us to see the full effect of his ultimate green thumb. don’t give up! her spring is coming, em. he turns sorrow into gladness & gives us reason to sing & dance (& feed cats) while we wait in victorious hope. xoxoxo i’ve been crying & singing & reading & asking him heaps this week, and i’d love to talk with you any time you feel like it =) it’s gonna be worth it! like Jesus saw the faith of those friends of the paralytic man whom they lowered through a roof to be healed, he’s very attentive in looking out for our faith. love ya!!!

  5. Pa Dow said,

    June 4, 2007 at 11:36 am

    Misty the cat wishes to register her express desire that in all future posts she be referred to as ‘her’ rather than ‘it’… 🙂
    Seriously, a touching post – captures with real pathos some of the change that has come about; passing the trowel / baton to the next generation. Thanks for what you’re doing!

  6. bro said,

    June 8, 2007 at 2:07 pm

    hey emily… you bring to mind all the crop imagery in the bible, especially the example of Jonah and the vine that God caused to grow and die. when Jonah got upset over the vine dying God reminded him of all the people in Nineveh who couldn’t tell their right hand from their left. I’m encouraged that, though you care about “it” and wish it wasn’t there, you’re putting in the time for “her” who is there. there are so many things we can’t control, but we can control how we act and how we help, just as you have been doing.


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