under the influence

jun16_01-11.jpgtonight i’m writing under the influence…

of self-pity.

it’s easy to sacrifice your heart and body when the person is cute and cuddly.

it actually means something, however, if you continue to do it when she turns rather prickly.

i have commemorated this blog to remembering my mother during her sickness. so far, my posts have been fuzzy and warm.

today was dark and cold. it’s not that she’s mean. it’s that she says things without thinking. because she’s missing that part of her brain. it breaks my heart. she doesn’t even remember when we have visitors over anymore. and sometimes i wonder if she’ll remember me.

on days like these i just want to crawl into my husband’s arms and feel the beat of his heart close to mine. i want to run to the edge of the earth and squander my happiness on things that won’t last.

but i’m sticking around. i’m determined to love my mother in her hour of need. because i know she doesn’t mean what she says. and i know that deep down, she loves me.

i’m not writing this so that you’ll feel sorry for me. i’m writing to ask you to pray for my mother.

i know it’s moments like these that matter in light of eternity.



  1. abbagirl74 said,

    June 25, 2007 at 12:17 am

    Em, I do pray for you and your mother. She does love you. She cannot help what she does now. Be there for her. God will be there for the both of you.

  2. Teneale said,

    June 25, 2007 at 12:55 am

    Its amazing how much we can hurt by those we love the most. I’m definitly praying for you and your entire family through this hard time. And I’m sure Trent wants to be there as much as you wish he was. I love you girl. I appreciate your geniune honesty about what is going on. I think it makes us all braver to be true to ourselves.

  3. Melanie said,

    June 25, 2007 at 1:57 pm

    Em, your mom loves you. Love always hopes, and always perseveres–it never fails. This is the kind of love that you are demonstrating to your parents right now. Thanks for bringing to life I Corinthians 13 for me this morning.

    I will say a prayer for your mom right now.

    love, Mel
    love, Mel

  4. marge said,

    June 27, 2007 at 5:49 am

    hi emily we will be praying for you and your parents, this is a time in your life that you will never forget and what memories you will have stored away. God is very happy with you and he will bless you. em it takes a very special person to do what you are doing. we a proud of you we love you dad and mom xoxoxo

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