family-em-and-mels-b-day.jpgtoday as i splashed paint around my new house and attempted to transform it into a thing of beauty, i pondered normalcy.

it’s funny, the things we call ‘normal’ in order to stay sane. things that should really rock our world, make us howl in anger, or want to give up on life altogether…

i think our subconscious spares us pain by immediately slotting those certain occasions into the ‘normal’ filing cabinet, so as to spare us our mind and soul.

what in particular am i talking about?

my mother, and a particular carrot cake with cream cheese icing.

every year for my birthday, my mom would make me carrot cake with cream cheese icing: it’s to die for.

this year, she insisted on doing the same. i was touched. it took her all day long. she would crack some eggs, then wander away for a couple of hours. later on, she shredded some carrots… then lay down. time passed, and i came upon her pulling out various bowls and ingredients from the shelves while the eggs and the carrots just sat there… she left those things sitting on the counter also, and went off to write in her date book. eventually, through the efforts of my father who actually mixed the cake, poured it into the pans and put them in the oven — and myself, who creamed the icing and spread it on the cake — the tradition was completed.

i thought nothing of it. my mind slotted the occurrence into the normalcy category and we all continued on … but today, while splashing paint around my house, it hit me: that wasn’t normal. my mother is sick. NORMALLY she would be able to bake the cake and ice it within a couple of hours.

survival mode. that’s what it’s all about. deceiving ourselves until we arrive in heaven where we’ll fully understand and fully embrace.



  1. abbagirl74 said,

    August 7, 2007 at 1:43 pm

    Thanks for posting. Love this post.

  2. Teneale said,

    August 7, 2007 at 3:26 pm

    I’m in survival mode too. I have learned the benifits of putting things into the back of my mind. I physically and mentally cannot deal with it all day every day, so I just live my life. And I love my life. Sometimes I feel sort of hard from it all though. Should I be feeling more?

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