my mum and i

I don’t mean to treat her like a child. But sometimes it’s easier than remembering she’s my mother. Because when I remember that, I hurt thinking about the fact that I dress her and put her in a depends-diaper and cut up her food and microwave her orange juice.

But on independent days, days when she dresses herself and tries to cook supper, my head whirls and it’s hard to fit this new woman into any kind of category. I don’t know what my role is. I love when she’s like this, but I am braced for any moment when she might lapse back into the child who depends so humbly on others for assistance.

And then I realize: it’s okay. Everyone likes to know where they belong, what role they play in someone else’s life. And in those moments, I think it’s safe to call us friends… she still offers me advice, consoles me, loves me in her mothering way, but we laugh and joke together like two silly girls at a café sipping lattes without a care in the world.

And then when the sky darkens and the rain pours down, I pull her under my umbrella and protect her, as any mother would, until the storm passes and a new phase begins. It’s all part of this wonderful, wacky, weird and wobbly concept called Life which none of us really understands but all of us know.

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4 Comments

  1. Pa Dow said,

    June 14, 2008 at 12:14 pm

    You’ve captured well the variability of Mum’s condition – and the emotional flexibility it takes to take her ‘as she is’. Thanks for your patience, kindness, and understanding – on good days and bad!
    Love, Pa

  2. abbagirl said,

    June 14, 2008 at 12:50 pm

    Beautiful Em.

  3. Teneale said,

    June 16, 2008 at 2:21 pm

    I love you Em. I will always admire your courage and compassion. You are a living witness of Christ.

  4. Auntie D said,

    June 16, 2008 at 5:09 pm

    Em, I am often so moved by your thoughts and the skill with which you put them on paper. I sit here with tears in my eyes and try to imagine myself and my mom like what you are experiencing with your mom. It must be so extremely difficult at times. I pray that God will continue to lift you up to new heights as you care for your mom. And it is also beautiful in how you are also blessing your dad in all of this! Honoring your parents is a lovely thing. I love how your dad signs his messages, “Love, Pa.” I wish my Pa were still here to share time with. You truly are a witness to the way Jesus cares for us .. our moods, our challenges, our often not even being aware of His presence, our not taking time for Him in our busy lives. And still he loves us just the same, with a never ending unconditional love. Thanks for sharing from your heart. You are an inspiration to many.
    May you always know in your heart that your heavenly Father is extremely fond of you! He adores you! His unfailing love will ever surround you and your family. I pray that every day will be a celebration of God’s Grace in Your Life. We love you! Give Trent a big hug from us too. And then receive one for yourself as well!! ;o) Auntie D


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