purpose. plan.

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“don’t be disappointed. i have a purpose and a plan.”

i heard this three weeks ago, when we first learned of the baby boy. tried to ignore it. met the birth mom, did the paperwork. began to get excited. began to think of buying a bassinette, a stroller.

may 7th wasn’t far off. we were finally being blessed. God knew our baby had been due may 14th. this was his way of saying sorry. of showing grace.

“don’t be disappointed.”

she sounded so calm. i did too. i didn’t recognize my own voice. i listened as she told me CAS had come that day, convincing her to keep the baby. to try and make it work. i said ‘okay.’

thought of the letter i’d mailed her that day. the letter telling her how grateful we were. we’d been wanting a child for so long…

“goodbye” i said. hung up, and broke down.

how much longer, Lord?

“i have a purpose and a plan.”

God owes me nothing. he’s already given me everything i need.

if only i could believe that, right now.

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6 Comments

  1. Christina said,

    February 27, 2009 at 4:42 pm

    oh em. i’m so sorry. let this ‘purpose, this plan’ unfold, oh lord.

  2. February 27, 2009 at 7:02 pm

    Praying for comfort now, and for God’s purpose and plan to unfold. Praying for strength to hang onto His words.

  3. AmmeePearl said,

    February 27, 2009 at 9:02 pm

    Proverbs 2:5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart
    and lean not on your own understanding;

    I read that this morning, trust Him.

    Love, a.

  4. February 27, 2009 at 9:31 pm

    How devastating, Emily. I’m so sorry and I’m praying.

  5. March 4, 2009 at 12:22 pm

    Friend.
    I sit here with lump in throat, pain in heart.

    I want to storm heaven’s gates, pound hard.

    I’m learning, oh so slowly, to open my pounding fist and lay it open. To take what He gives because it is good…

    So I lay my open hand on yours, squeeze tight, nod through tears, and yes, trust the plan.

    How I send love…
    Ann

  6. Melanie said,

    March 4, 2009 at 9:49 pm

    Em, I am believing for you.

    Mel


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