sometimes i gasp for the weight of it all:


he stares out at the world from blue fleece sweater…

i stare back, feel the enormity of all i want to be for him…

craving goodness, that i might live it, daily…

craving knowledge of Christ…that Aiden might know love.

and so, i turn to Advent, its coloured candles, its evergreen wreath, and its Sunday-lighting…

seeking truth, i turn pages, learn of these four weeks leading up to Christmas

and discover, in the three violet candles, sorrow. these weeks leading up to Christmas are meant for wallowing deep, for yearning to be better, for longing to be closer to a God who so easily befriends… these weeks are meant for sacred sadness.  mourning the loss which sin has cost…  the death of innocence… aching for celebration. heavy with bruised iniquity.

and then: the Christ candle. exaltation. delight in the coming of a heaven child. manger-miracle.

i look at Aiden, see our own miracle…

ponder this past year–a year of Advent, mourning the loss of our little Papoose, last October… at 5 weeks, he or she was a mere cluster of cells, yet to us, our baby breathed–until, no more, and we wondered: might we ever have a child?

then, February, and new conception, growing life… followed by nine months of stupor, nine months of beautiful preparation and shock: we were to be parents. not fully understanding, until the day he appeared in slippery membrane and we held him, shivering, to our souls…

this, then, is christ-mas:  the healing of the bruised. the newness of dawn. the coming of the child.

let’s celebrate.



  1. Linda said,

    December 15, 2009 at 11:33 pm

    The depth of your wisdom and sweetness of your spirit make my eyes weep and my heart sing. Yes – this is Christmas. I pray blessings on your little miracle and his precious parents.

    Did you get my note? I am never sure when I write a note on FB whether it makes it to its intended destination! Then I worry that you will think I didn’t answer you 🙂

  2. Teneale said,

    December 16, 2009 at 3:26 pm

    Your writing often bring tears to my eyes, and this is one of those posts. I celebrate that new life with you Em! And I also celebrate the life of my own child (I can hardly call him baby anymore! Sigh) What a blessing they are! Love you

  3. December 16, 2009 at 7:57 pm

    what a little sweetie. congrats em!

  4. D said,

    December 16, 2009 at 11:35 pm

    Your writing is so beautiful. Every word brings me closer to God in some way.

    You truly are inspired by God. Bless you!

  5. December 18, 2009 at 3:30 am

    Held him shivering to your souls…..

    oh… my.

    and we the shivering ones are held by the wet Babe and comforted.

    Thank you for opening the eyes of the soul wider.

    How I love you…

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