sing long songs

he’s been asleep for two hours, tucked under the blanket that makes him giggle, one hand stretched out as if holding down the mattress. i tiptoe into the nursery, pull blinds open. sunlight pools on the floor like laughter. i lift the curtain to his bassinet, and he’s laying there, eyes open, just waiting. for me. he sees me, smiles. squeals. i feel my heart go ‘pop.’

i cannot pick him up fast enough. i cannot hold him long enough. every minute, he’s becoming less baby, more child… i keep telling myself this, yet i sit and type while he grows on his play mat or in his chair or in his jolly jumper. part of me thinks i should just stop and stare at him before the door opens and closes, and he’s suddenly gone–moved out into a life of his own.

a veteran mother tells me: ‘sing long songs, emily’… and so, i do. sometimes i just turn on the music and dance with my baby. but the songs always end …

i live for his squeal. it tells me i’m doing something right.

i think i’ll go now; see if he’s awake…

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3 Comments

  1. Linda said,

    February 4, 2010 at 10:54 pm

    I cannot presume to give advice Em – for I made so many foolish, selfish mistakes. I can only tell you to do what your heart says is best. You are right – the moments go by at light-speed. We women have so many seasons in our lives. Enjoy this one to the full.

  2. Teneale said,

    February 5, 2010 at 8:48 pm

    DON’T TALK ABOUT THEM MOVING OUT! I’ve cried a couple of times already, imaging Logan as 18. I only have 17 years left. It seems like such a short time. And he will never be able to grasp or understand how much I love him…until he has babies of his own. He might understand me then. I try to hold on to every moment, but they seem to slip through my fingers. I’m starting to understand why some women have 10 babies! Not that I want that, but I get it.

  3. Denise said,

    February 12, 2010 at 8:57 pm

    I heard a saying once in relation to motherhood ” the days are long, but the years fly by” It often seems that way. Why my oldest was a wee one, I would think about the woman that would someday call him husband… the children that would call him Father… and sometimes that time in his life seemed just around the corner. Now he’s almost 9 years old, and in all honesty, some days drag on and on with him – but he’s almost 9!! Where did the time go? Such a strange mix…


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